This is interesting I’ve been an executive coach for many years and I genuinely believe that our internal dialog is the best barometer of our happiness in life. Many of us ( me included at times although I’m far better than I used to be) speak to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to other people in our lives. There are loads of books out there on this but I’ve found that many are unhelpful. They suggest we shut our inner critic down or counter the arguments. But in my experience by far the most beneficial response is to find some quiet time to have a ‘chat’ with that voice and really listen. We often shout and become stronger in our language when we don’t feel heard so by assuming this voice comes from a part of us that wants to help and support us - and in my experience it always does - we can get underneath what it really wants us to hear. This can take some gentle questioning. So if I’m hearing, ‘There’s no way you can do that! Look what happened when you attempted x you’ll make a fool of yourself’ I might get to ‘I’m worried you won’t have time to prepare properly and will be very stressed by it’ which is actually really useful as I can then make sure that I decide with that in mind - making sure to factor in time to prepare or deciding on this occasion I have too much going on to do it without unpleasant stress levels.
I’ve heard it suggested that these inner voices can almost be like a kind of inner board or directors! Head of finance coming in with, ‘No you can’t afford those shoes!’ And head of IT with, ‘There’s no way you’ll figure out how to do that unassisted!’ But when we remember they all actually come from a well intentioned place within us and despite the critical tone do actually want to help we can really make progress. Sometimes the voice comes from quite a young or scared part of ourselves and the conversation is about reassuring that part and helping it to trust that although this will be out of our comfort zone that part won’t be exposed and will be supported.
This approach makes a massive difference to our inner levels of peace and happiness.
Love this and do much the same thing - say yes and then figure it out. I find if my back is against the wall and there doesn't appear to be option B then I always find a way to make it work. My business started in 2005 when I thought I couldn't do a worse job of managing my first rental than the lash up the number 1 agent in our area aka idiot had made of it.
I gave it a go when I didn't have a clue what I was doing, it was scary and a massive learning curve but all these years and properties later I might just have got the hang of it!
This is exactly what I needed to read this Monday morning - thank you for writing about this. This has given me the kick I needed to talk to a boss about a job I've wanted to do for ages but have felt I "wasn't ready for". Truth is, when are you ever ready?! I try to live by the mantra "feel the fear and do it anyway", because if it doesn't scare you, are you even growing? But truth be told, life has punched my capacity to feel the fear and do it anyway right out of me recently. It makes a world of difference to know that others feel exactly the same.
This is interesting I’ve been an executive coach for many years and I genuinely believe that our internal dialog is the best barometer of our happiness in life. Many of us ( me included at times although I’m far better than I used to be) speak to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to other people in our lives. There are loads of books out there on this but I’ve found that many are unhelpful. They suggest we shut our inner critic down or counter the arguments. But in my experience by far the most beneficial response is to find some quiet time to have a ‘chat’ with that voice and really listen. We often shout and become stronger in our language when we don’t feel heard so by assuming this voice comes from a part of us that wants to help and support us - and in my experience it always does - we can get underneath what it really wants us to hear. This can take some gentle questioning. So if I’m hearing, ‘There’s no way you can do that! Look what happened when you attempted x you’ll make a fool of yourself’ I might get to ‘I’m worried you won’t have time to prepare properly and will be very stressed by it’ which is actually really useful as I can then make sure that I decide with that in mind - making sure to factor in time to prepare or deciding on this occasion I have too much going on to do it without unpleasant stress levels.
I’ve heard it suggested that these inner voices can almost be like a kind of inner board or directors! Head of finance coming in with, ‘No you can’t afford those shoes!’ And head of IT with, ‘There’s no way you’ll figure out how to do that unassisted!’ But when we remember they all actually come from a well intentioned place within us and despite the critical tone do actually want to help we can really make progress. Sometimes the voice comes from quite a young or scared part of ourselves and the conversation is about reassuring that part and helping it to trust that although this will be out of our comfort zone that part won’t be exposed and will be supported.
This approach makes a massive difference to our inner levels of peace and happiness.
Love this and do much the same thing - say yes and then figure it out. I find if my back is against the wall and there doesn't appear to be option B then I always find a way to make it work. My business started in 2005 when I thought I couldn't do a worse job of managing my first rental than the lash up the number 1 agent in our area aka idiot had made of it.
I gave it a go when I didn't have a clue what I was doing, it was scary and a massive learning curve but all these years and properties later I might just have got the hang of it!
Love this Sue! Thank you so much for reading xxxx
This is exactly what I needed to read this Monday morning - thank you for writing about this. This has given me the kick I needed to talk to a boss about a job I've wanted to do for ages but have felt I "wasn't ready for". Truth is, when are you ever ready?! I try to live by the mantra "feel the fear and do it anyway", because if it doesn't scare you, are you even growing? But truth be told, life has punched my capacity to feel the fear and do it anyway right out of me recently. It makes a world of difference to know that others feel exactly the same.
Love this ! Thanks Jo excellent read x