31 Comments

This year I’ve really tried hard to say yes to more events and push myself out of my comfort zone and I’ve had some real wins from it. First, I agreed to go an industry event and then to be the keynote speaker, which led to winning an award and 3 highly relevant job approaches - I turned the offers down but was able to negotiate a much improved work/life balance in my existing role, which has been transformative. Second I went to an alumni networking breakfast for my old school, agreed to help them track down contact details of people they didn’t have them for and now have an active group chat of 30 amazing women I mostly haven’t seen in 25 years, which is such a source of joy!

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Pushing yourself is key. Even the times I’ve been standing at a lectern thinking, ‘Oh god this is not going well’… something good has come out of it. X

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HI Jo, thanks for this. This morning I recorded a conversation with Stacey Heale and part of what we talked about was the importance of building and nurturing a network, so she sent me your piece saying LOOK!! I work with writers on using Instagram to promote their books and one of the things I often talk about is how we can all use social media to build genuine and lasting relationships - some of which might even turn into friendships - but sometimes I feel like it sounds so transactional. Like, I'm only messaging you because I'm hoping to get something from you in the future!! Anyway, I just wanted to say that this was a brilliant read, and also will help me frame 'networking' as a more human thing for some of my clients - I will be sending your article to them! Thank you!

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Hi Jo, this was a timely read as I attended a ‘how to stay curious’ session at work today. A lot of the conversation was around exactly what you’ve written about here; be genuinely interested, curious, actively listen, manage your expectations. If I might be so bold to add my own tips (!) I always have a few questions in the bag, ready to roll out to get the conversation going: what do you like about your role/what would you change about it? What motivates you/scares you? What are you proud of/what mistakes have you made?

Recently, I've been finding it harder to get a response when I do try to connect with people. I’m friendly, yet specific about why I’d like to connect with them but no response! Not even a ‘thanks for getting in touch.’ I'm wondering if this is a thing now?! Is more remote working making us less able to connect with others? Or are we just too busy to make the time?

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And I think remote working had made it easier for people to just ignore, unfortunately. Also, remote working has quadrupled the volume of emails so it all has more chance of getting lost 🙁

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I love this and it’s a good idea to have chat up your sleeve. Personally I like my prepped topics to be off-topic. I like asking a mad question like, ‘Do you believe in ghosts?’ Stuff like that gets really deep and interesting really quickly. It changes the air when people think, oh OK I don’t just have to talk about work. Maybe some people hate that, I don’t know. 😂 But I like having fun chats that people don’t necessarily expect to have at a work thing. X

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Agreed. I'm definitely up for a heated debate on whether pineapple belongs on a pizza (it does!)

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Hard yes to pineapple on pizza

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I TOTALLY agree!!

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Agree 100% Raelene. Curiosity is so compelling. Also just being very honest about the awkwardness of the networking situation goes a long way. Last summer I went alone to a writing conference in another city. A woman walked up to me and said, "Seems like everyone already knows someone." That woman turned out to live in my city, in my neighborhood, and no kidding, I learned when I met her for coffee months later - goes to my same hairdresser. And now I have a new friend!

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A great read, Jo, and some fantastic advice as always. Just what I needed as I head to London to join a room full of strangers and try to make a good impression.

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Also people should remember if you make a good impression on someone they will remember you. They may surprise you & network on your behalf unbeknownst to you.

Happened to me & despite now being retired, I still get a glow from remembering that kindness

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I have to say that for me Linked In has been the biggest force that grew my business. i had just come out of 30 years as a marketing director (my choice to leave), I was 54 and starting my own business. I saw a product line in an exhibition I loved and had the idea to text on linked in to Isaac Larian, the owner of MGA, and to ask if he would consider giving the rights for LOL in Israel (it was a brand in the beginning stages way back then). He agreed to talk and indeed it came here and was a huge success. Thats just one example. I look at it daily (its my version on Instagram), I am connected to everyone in my industry (that of toys), and I know on line what is happening, what is hot, and I can show other like minded people what the companies I work with have to offer.

So I think it depends on what you do. I love it. I dont love it when people use it like facebook and start posting personal political views because that can become very nasty indeed-living where I do theres no shortage of criticism. However I have met the best, brightest people there, many of which have become friends in real life!

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Yes I do hear this from a lot of people. I think it might be a bit like high street shops in that we all seem to have that one shop where our friends find loads of great stuff and we never find one thing in there we like. You know? I think LinkedIn is not so great for we media types who have a different way of connecting. Maybe. Xx

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LinkedIn has also been absolutely essential in my (corporate) roles, I totally get why people hate it (and like you I really don’t like the recent Facebook-ification!) but in some fields it’s an absolute essential and I’ve really benefitted from building a network there. I definitely understand why people in more creative roles don’t see the appeal though!

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Great article Jo. I was saying to my kids last night night that their ability to build a network and say yes to opportunities may be even more important than what they study. I didn’t understand that and wish I had this article early in my career.

I went to an event recently where the speaker asked four people to raise their hands and shout one thing they needed help with, and the rest of us had to shout out if we could help or knew someone to recommend. From help with foreign tax issues to marketing a book or finding a trustworthy tradesman for an elderly mum, there was someone who knew someone who could sort it. That switched the focus of every conversation that night to ´how can I help you’ and made for a really fun and non-self promotional networking event, with lots of great referrals and connections made.

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I honestly think if you can be interested, curious and enthusiastic it will open so many doors that academia can’t. Xx

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At work a few years ago someone suggested a 'reciprocity ring,' which was a similar structure in a small group. I work in a university public health institute. I was floored - in the most positive way - that the things these young scientists wanted advice on was finding amateur choirs to join. AND - other people had fantastic suggestions. I would have never known my colleagues had such varied interests.

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Reciprocity ring - such a great title. And how much more depth is there to your relationships in knowing such things? Love it.

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Exactly. And everyone's not hiding all their "outside" talents, which doesn't serve anyone anyway.

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Be bold - I needed the reminder right now. And if I'm honest, always. Thank you for sharing it in such a honest and what-goes-around-comes-around way. To add to your approach to networking - I've banned that word from my vocabulary because it gave me stress. I've rebranded it as making friends and it made a world of difference in how I approached talking with people.

Also, I've forwarded your email to three different women - two are job hunting and one is hiring. And I'm about to share it with a small group of women in the design field. I think what you've written is that powerful. Thank you.

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100% agree, Jo! Also - to me, it just comes down to; be nice! I have to network a lot for my job and I shit myself every single time - it’s not getting any easier. But I do find that once I force myself to have the first conversation the rest gets easier! (But I have to do that each time - LOL!)

I thought my style was old -school, I never try to work out what I can get from people, I’m just nosy and I love meeting people. Then I realised - it’s probably refreshing, at least, I hope so!

You answered my question a few months ago on productivity - thank you for that!

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Do remember to let us know how Trinny's eye cream works out!

Really great advice about networking - I am dreadfully shy and terrible at selling myself. You've made me see that that's not the be-all and end-all. I loved New Woman and Glamour - I miss the days of getting a pile of glosses for a weekend in or a long train journey!

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A great chewy read on a tricky subject, Jo. And I agree with so much of what you say. Be kind, be straight, but don’t be cheeky. And stay curious. May our eyes ever be less weary

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I sent you a card Jo after the first few issues of Glamour came out to say how much I liked it - and was amazed to get a handwritten thank you note from you in return. I later became a mag editor myself & always tried to emulate this

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Is the Dan Kieran article online?

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I have had at least one very productive ladies room networking encounter with a truly wonderful person for an author I was working for. She ended ditching her lazy ass agent (who had caused her career huge damage) in favor of a really great agent. But I couldn't have known all of this would happen at the time. I just asked a very simple question about whom to contact and it highlighted that the agent hadn't contacted anybody there -- lazy! Life is weird sometimes.

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Nice piece on a tricky subject! Meeting real people at actual events and showing genuine interest can be so personally and professionally rewarding. LinkedIn also makes the pit of my stomach drop a little, insta and words work better for me.

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Thanks so much for this article Jo, it's something I would have really relished when I had my own Marketing & PR boutique agency a decade and almost a half ago. I'm a writer now, and can still see how valid many points are to me for future writing plans. I'm very grateful for your advice.

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