Jo, thank you for this insightful piece. Too many women are dismissed as "overly sensitive". I have had the best of reproductive behaviours. I am grateful to learn what other women experience. My school friends got their periods as early as Grade 5. I got mine in Grade 9. The wait was only psychologically excruciating. Throughout my working years, I got my periods every Monday without fanfare. Imagine how that would be for you! I went through menopause with only one symptom: I would wake up dripping wet in the night smelling like oatmeal! Hahahah. I got pregnant at age 39 after "trying"" for 2 months. I have been living in a female paradise. I wish every woman could. I ache for those who haven't.
Great piece Jo. I’m with you - the more we know, the easier to advocate for ourselves. It’s not about doom and gloom, or special treatment, it’s about a conversation that for too long has been silent. I’m looking forward to being liberated but also want to know I can go into it armed and ready to ask for what I need if necessary
Jo thank you for talking about it! I’m 35 and convinced I’m perimenopausal - I’m actually going to the doctors on Thursday, but am fully expecting to be fobbed off… can I ask how you got your energy back? I’m exhausted 😢
It was actually one Davina McCall who talked me into finally going and asking about HRT. Hormones were definitely key for me. Also I think being the age I am now, 54, I had to learn to listen to my body in terms of nutrition, rest and exercise in a way that I didn't need to as a younger woman. It's boring, but when I do all the right things, I feel great. xx
Thank you for your honesty. I know it’s not the same, but I went from having light and infrequent periods to a monthly deluge after starting to take Tamoxifen post-breast cancer. I was losing so much blood that the only thing I could use was a menstrual cup. After four years (during which I highlighted the problem at every medical appointment, only to be fobbed off) I was so severely anaemic that following a blood test when I felt unwell, an ambulance came in the middle of the night to whisk me off to hospital. I have now had two iron transfusions, and am still not confident of my iron level. Another example of ignorance on my part and that of medical professionals when it comes to women’s issues.
Bravo, Jo. Great piece. Knowledge is power. Completely agree that knowing your options - and having those options available - is what matters. I’m grateful for the knowledgeable nurse at my GP surgery who advised me some years ago after I’d been ignoring symptoms and feeling rubbish because of it.
Yes to this! I entered menopause at 38 and like you had no clue what was going on. It’s 15 years ago now and there was zero support and a lot of shame attached to it. I will never forget the kindness of a colleague who bought me a usb desk fan. That fan kept me sane! I had a pretty horrendous experience and multiple GP were zero help. My young age means that I am at much much higher risk of dementia, osteoporosis, heart disease, incontinence and so many other health problems that can ALL be helped and sometimes prevented by HRT. It’s not for everyone but ALL women should be given the option and the pros and cons and helped to make an informed decision about their health by their medical provider. Kudos to the Irish government for making HRT free from next year. One final thing- I am so angry at the bandwagon jumping by many companies and brands pushing so-called menopause supplements, face creams etc. It’s a cynical exploitation of women at their most vulnerable. It really boils my blood. None of those things are necessary and most won’t make a bit of difference. What women need is information, HRT where appropriate, a good GP, a supportive partner … and a desk fan.
How fantastic that we live in an era where menopause is no longer a taboo subject, and we can openly discuss this. Unlike my poor 70-something Mum, who has osteoporosis and who really should have been given HRT when she went through menopause.
I’m 52, and my periods have only just stopped (I’m so pleased!!!) and am contemplating going on a low dose HRT to ensure that I don’t suffer from osteoporosis like my Mum.
Hopefully I don’t have to battle my GP to get it……
I’m very very lucky - touch wood, fingers crossed!!! - that I’ve so far had very few menopause issues. No hot flushes, night sweats, brain fog, mood swings, heavy periods whilst perimenopausal etc. However I’m filled with anxiety about suffering with osteoporosis in the future, so HRT it is (along with lifestyle changes such as lifting weights)
An interesting piece, thank you for publishing it.
I had no idea how menopause might affect me. Mum was 51 when my dad died. She was menstruating & her period stopped that day & never returned. She didn’t have a single symptom. Her hormones simply turned off.
Mine was difficult. Hysterectomised, sweaty, nausea, sweaty, boiling, aching & fatigued. I was denied HRT as I am diabetic. Fortunately a new GP with an interest in endocrinology joined my practice. Low & behold diabetics actually benefit most from HRT as it protects from cardiovascular disease.
My migraines almost disappeared & I no longer argued with myself in the mirror.
I’m now off HRT & the menopausal symptoms are gone. I’m out the other side.
I’m proud to say at 62 I joined a gym & now do aquarobics 4-5 times a week.
Thank you for oversharing, because the more details the better for those women who are (unfortunately) still trying figure out what the hell is going on. As long as there are those women, awareness is a great thing.
Along those lines, I thought I’d share part of my experience. Looking back, I had all of the classic signs but pushed them away. One of the symptoms could have proved deadly - the mental health one.
Back story: I have always suffered with anxiety and deep, dark soul-wrenching depressive episodes. In my twenties I attempted suicide twice. So these were major depressive episodes. I took meds, educated myself, saw a therapist and all the things and was doing pretty great.
At 43 things went haywire. I was still doing all the things but my moods became extreme. Anxiety attacks, feeling lost etc. I became convinced I was actually going insane. I decided if this continued I wouldn’t be able to care for myself much less my kids. Serious suicidal thoughts.
I felt so much shame, but finally talked about it to a trusted (older) friend. She knew immediately and sent me that very week to her doctor, an early pioneer (in my area at least) in HRT. He explained (while handing me tissues) that my tendency toward major depressive disorder made me susceptible to more extreme mood symptoms of menopause. Weeks later (on HRT) and I felt better than I had in years. 10 years on and I am fantastic. I am so grateful for my friend, my doctor and that women are publicly talking about ALL the things we’ve been told to keep private.
Amen!! And buh-bye to the headaches that attacked me every month of my life from 13-51 I don’t miss them one bit (along with every. Other. Symptom. ) I had the worst periods ever. Every month. And menopause brought me only sweet sweet relief. I just hope I get to live as many years withOUT my period as I lived WITH it…and yes I know not everyone has the same experience
So please don’t hate (or hate if you want to) but hey I figure maybe just maybe the universe owed me a little something for all of that misery!
Great read Jo. I’m in the process of taking myself off HRT, which I’ve been on for 4 years, because I’m not sure it’s doing anything for me - initially I went on it (without any issues from my GP) due to my overwhelming brain fog and lack of motivation…. But that was during lockdown and things are very different now. I’m going to have a go at CBT alongside ongoing lifestyle changes and will take a view in about 6 months. I’d quite like the rage to subside and I can’t do the feeling of being run over by a bus for about 2 days in every cycle, so am hoping that without the added progesterone in my system, I can avoid that! Wondering if anyone else has come off it and if they’ve noticed a positive difference?
I’ve been off it and am now back on it because I am literally crippled with joint pain. HRT has so many preventative benefits for future health too which I’ve only learned about through talking to experts as part of my job (I’m a journalist). It is protective against osteoporosis, dementia, cardiovascular disease, urinary incontinence and prolapse. All of the things that land older women in hospitals or nursing homes. Not enough women know about the long-term benefits of HRT so I would reconsider your decision or maybe do a deep dive (Dr Mary Claire Haver on Insta is a great resource and has a book out) on the latest research.
Thank you for sharing your experiences Jo. May we spare a thought for the millions of women who are diagnosed with breast cancer every year. For those whose treatment involves taking hormone blockers, menopause symptoms often start early and are extremely debilitating. My quality of life has reduced significantly since taking Tamoxifen. What’s worse, we are unable to take HRT, so have to suck it up and soldier on. So I agree with you when you say, ‘not everyone’s menopause is being helped nearly as much as it should’. And given 1 in 7 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime, this really is appalling.
Absolutely, Paula. And when you consider how little the basics of menopause have been studied, then this layer is disgracefully neglected. Let's keep banging on about it. I am really sorry that this has been your experience and I wish you well. xxxxx
Well said. My peri symptoms started around age 38/39 and I was told I had all sorts of other things wrong with me including fibromyalgia, arthritis, depression, none of which were true and all my symptoms alleviated when they finally agreed to give me hrt aged 41. That 2 year period of my life was the worst ever and turned my life literally upside down. Thankfully I turned a corner after a few months of hrt! The gaslighting and dismissal by healthcare professionals on this topic is just heart breaking.
I must admit that I am in the camp of sick-to-death of hearing about perimenopause.
But then I am 41 and have had a couple of sleepless nights recently where I have also had night sweats, and I am nervous as hell that it’s the start of peri. And I don’t want it. My mum had a *horrendous* menopause and I just don’t want to keep hearing about the thing that I perceive to be very, very unpleasant . And that’s it something I feel is for ‘older’ women (because I am also clearly in denial about my age) but now I’m being dragged into that category, if you see what I mean. I feel I can’t escape the topic at the moment. And if you go wild swimming, EVERYONE assumes you are doing it because of peri symptoms when I just.like.swimming.
But all your points are completely valid and right; this is a very emotional reaction where I have started to tip into paranoia about peri. And it’s stressing me out.
Yes, if the attempts to de stigmatise are making you run away then there is work to do. But interesting that you are aware of your mother’s experiences. My mother and I never discussed! I had no clues from her either. You are ahead of me in being somewhat aware and therefore a bit more prepared. I would urge you to front up to it. It doesn’t have to be something bad at all. That is the point of awareness, so ideally that no one had to be miserable at all. It’s an unavoidable thing for us all but I’ve managed to make it something that is not a problem at all. I wish that for you.
Thank you Jo …. This is exactly how I feel and think x this is perfect … sharing
Love you. x
Jo, thank you for this insightful piece. Too many women are dismissed as "overly sensitive". I have had the best of reproductive behaviours. I am grateful to learn what other women experience. My school friends got their periods as early as Grade 5. I got mine in Grade 9. The wait was only psychologically excruciating. Throughout my working years, I got my periods every Monday without fanfare. Imagine how that would be for you! I went through menopause with only one symptom: I would wake up dripping wet in the night smelling like oatmeal! Hahahah. I got pregnant at age 39 after "trying"" for 2 months. I have been living in a female paradise. I wish every woman could. I ache for those who haven't.
Great piece Jo. I’m with you - the more we know, the easier to advocate for ourselves. It’s not about doom and gloom, or special treatment, it’s about a conversation that for too long has been silent. I’m looking forward to being liberated but also want to know I can go into it armed and ready to ask for what I need if necessary
Jo thank you for talking about it! I’m 35 and convinced I’m perimenopausal - I’m actually going to the doctors on Thursday, but am fully expecting to be fobbed off… can I ask how you got your energy back? I’m exhausted 😢
It was actually one Davina McCall who talked me into finally going and asking about HRT. Hormones were definitely key for me. Also I think being the age I am now, 54, I had to learn to listen to my body in terms of nutrition, rest and exercise in a way that I didn't need to as a younger woman. It's boring, but when I do all the right things, I feel great. xx
Thank you for your honesty. I know it’s not the same, but I went from having light and infrequent periods to a monthly deluge after starting to take Tamoxifen post-breast cancer. I was losing so much blood that the only thing I could use was a menstrual cup. After four years (during which I highlighted the problem at every medical appointment, only to be fobbed off) I was so severely anaemic that following a blood test when I felt unwell, an ambulance came in the middle of the night to whisk me off to hospital. I have now had two iron transfusions, and am still not confident of my iron level. Another example of ignorance on my part and that of medical professionals when it comes to women’s issues.
I cannot believe what you’ve been through, I’m really so sorry to read this.
Bravo, Jo. Great piece. Knowledge is power. Completely agree that knowing your options - and having those options available - is what matters. I’m grateful for the knowledgeable nurse at my GP surgery who advised me some years ago after I’d been ignoring symptoms and feeling rubbish because of it.
Yes to this! I entered menopause at 38 and like you had no clue what was going on. It’s 15 years ago now and there was zero support and a lot of shame attached to it. I will never forget the kindness of a colleague who bought me a usb desk fan. That fan kept me sane! I had a pretty horrendous experience and multiple GP were zero help. My young age means that I am at much much higher risk of dementia, osteoporosis, heart disease, incontinence and so many other health problems that can ALL be helped and sometimes prevented by HRT. It’s not for everyone but ALL women should be given the option and the pros and cons and helped to make an informed decision about their health by their medical provider. Kudos to the Irish government for making HRT free from next year. One final thing- I am so angry at the bandwagon jumping by many companies and brands pushing so-called menopause supplements, face creams etc. It’s a cynical exploitation of women at their most vulnerable. It really boils my blood. None of those things are necessary and most won’t make a bit of difference. What women need is information, HRT where appropriate, a good GP, a supportive partner … and a desk fan.
How fantastic that we live in an era where menopause is no longer a taboo subject, and we can openly discuss this. Unlike my poor 70-something Mum, who has osteoporosis and who really should have been given HRT when she went through menopause.
I’m 52, and my periods have only just stopped (I’m so pleased!!!) and am contemplating going on a low dose HRT to ensure that I don’t suffer from osteoporosis like my Mum.
Hopefully I don’t have to battle my GP to get it……
I’m very very lucky - touch wood, fingers crossed!!! - that I’ve so far had very few menopause issues. No hot flushes, night sweats, brain fog, mood swings, heavy periods whilst perimenopausal etc. However I’m filled with anxiety about suffering with osteoporosis in the future, so HRT it is (along with lifestyle changes such as lifting weights)
An interesting piece, thank you for publishing it.
I had no idea how menopause might affect me. Mum was 51 when my dad died. She was menstruating & her period stopped that day & never returned. She didn’t have a single symptom. Her hormones simply turned off.
Mine was difficult. Hysterectomised, sweaty, nausea, sweaty, boiling, aching & fatigued. I was denied HRT as I am diabetic. Fortunately a new GP with an interest in endocrinology joined my practice. Low & behold diabetics actually benefit most from HRT as it protects from cardiovascular disease.
My migraines almost disappeared & I no longer argued with myself in the mirror.
I’m now off HRT & the menopausal symptoms are gone. I’m out the other side.
I’m proud to say at 62 I joined a gym & now do aquarobics 4-5 times a week.
The post menopause can be a new leaf of life
Thank you for oversharing, because the more details the better for those women who are (unfortunately) still trying figure out what the hell is going on. As long as there are those women, awareness is a great thing.
Along those lines, I thought I’d share part of my experience. Looking back, I had all of the classic signs but pushed them away. One of the symptoms could have proved deadly - the mental health one.
Back story: I have always suffered with anxiety and deep, dark soul-wrenching depressive episodes. In my twenties I attempted suicide twice. So these were major depressive episodes. I took meds, educated myself, saw a therapist and all the things and was doing pretty great.
At 43 things went haywire. I was still doing all the things but my moods became extreme. Anxiety attacks, feeling lost etc. I became convinced I was actually going insane. I decided if this continued I wouldn’t be able to care for myself much less my kids. Serious suicidal thoughts.
I felt so much shame, but finally talked about it to a trusted (older) friend. She knew immediately and sent me that very week to her doctor, an early pioneer (in my area at least) in HRT. He explained (while handing me tissues) that my tendency toward major depressive disorder made me susceptible to more extreme mood symptoms of menopause. Weeks later (on HRT) and I felt better than I had in years. 10 years on and I am fantastic. I am so grateful for my friend, my doctor and that women are publicly talking about ALL the things we’ve been told to keep private.
My depression came back with a bang when perimenopause hit too. Thank you for sharing. X
Amen!! And buh-bye to the headaches that attacked me every month of my life from 13-51 I don’t miss them one bit (along with every. Other. Symptom. ) I had the worst periods ever. Every month. And menopause brought me only sweet sweet relief. I just hope I get to live as many years withOUT my period as I lived WITH it…and yes I know not everyone has the same experience
So please don’t hate (or hate if you want to) but hey I figure maybe just maybe the universe owed me a little something for all of that misery!
Great read Jo. I’m in the process of taking myself off HRT, which I’ve been on for 4 years, because I’m not sure it’s doing anything for me - initially I went on it (without any issues from my GP) due to my overwhelming brain fog and lack of motivation…. But that was during lockdown and things are very different now. I’m going to have a go at CBT alongside ongoing lifestyle changes and will take a view in about 6 months. I’d quite like the rage to subside and I can’t do the feeling of being run over by a bus for about 2 days in every cycle, so am hoping that without the added progesterone in my system, I can avoid that! Wondering if anyone else has come off it and if they’ve noticed a positive difference?
I'd be interested to know this too. My doctor's advice for me, at my age, is that it's safer for me to have oestrogen than not.
I’ve been off it and am now back on it because I am literally crippled with joint pain. HRT has so many preventative benefits for future health too which I’ve only learned about through talking to experts as part of my job (I’m a journalist). It is protective against osteoporosis, dementia, cardiovascular disease, urinary incontinence and prolapse. All of the things that land older women in hospitals or nursing homes. Not enough women know about the long-term benefits of HRT so I would reconsider your decision or maybe do a deep dive (Dr Mary Claire Haver on Insta is a great resource and has a book out) on the latest research.
Thank you for sharing your experiences Jo. May we spare a thought for the millions of women who are diagnosed with breast cancer every year. For those whose treatment involves taking hormone blockers, menopause symptoms often start early and are extremely debilitating. My quality of life has reduced significantly since taking Tamoxifen. What’s worse, we are unable to take HRT, so have to suck it up and soldier on. So I agree with you when you say, ‘not everyone’s menopause is being helped nearly as much as it should’. And given 1 in 7 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime, this really is appalling.
Absolutely, Paula. And when you consider how little the basics of menopause have been studied, then this layer is disgracefully neglected. Let's keep banging on about it. I am really sorry that this has been your experience and I wish you well. xxxxx
Great article although I would argue that menopause seminars at work are a massive part of normalising it for everyone.
I get that, yes. But I would argue that more work on normalising it in the doctor’s office would sort a lot more of the rest out.
Yes, I don’t disagree with that, definitely only one part of wider systemic change!
Well said. My peri symptoms started around age 38/39 and I was told I had all sorts of other things wrong with me including fibromyalgia, arthritis, depression, none of which were true and all my symptoms alleviated when they finally agreed to give me hrt aged 41. That 2 year period of my life was the worst ever and turned my life literally upside down. Thankfully I turned a corner after a few months of hrt! The gaslighting and dismissal by healthcare professionals on this topic is just heart breaking.
I must admit that I am in the camp of sick-to-death of hearing about perimenopause.
But then I am 41 and have had a couple of sleepless nights recently where I have also had night sweats, and I am nervous as hell that it’s the start of peri. And I don’t want it. My mum had a *horrendous* menopause and I just don’t want to keep hearing about the thing that I perceive to be very, very unpleasant . And that’s it something I feel is for ‘older’ women (because I am also clearly in denial about my age) but now I’m being dragged into that category, if you see what I mean. I feel I can’t escape the topic at the moment. And if you go wild swimming, EVERYONE assumes you are doing it because of peri symptoms when I just.like.swimming.
But all your points are completely valid and right; this is a very emotional reaction where I have started to tip into paranoia about peri. And it’s stressing me out.
Yes, if the attempts to de stigmatise are making you run away then there is work to do. But interesting that you are aware of your mother’s experiences. My mother and I never discussed! I had no clues from her either. You are ahead of me in being somewhat aware and therefore a bit more prepared. I would urge you to front up to it. It doesn’t have to be something bad at all. That is the point of awareness, so ideally that no one had to be miserable at all. It’s an unavoidable thing for us all but I’ve managed to make it something that is not a problem at all. I wish that for you.