I love my job, it’s an incredibly important part of my life. And I always thought I was ambitious, but I reached a point where I had a good life that I enjoyed just as much as my work. When the offer that I’d always wanted finally came, I turned it down.
I talked to the person who’d been in the job for years, he was great at his job, but just so unhappy and stressed, and I realised that I just wouldn’t be as happy there. And there’s been times when I’ve thought ‘What if? Was that a mistake?’ but I have a short commute, decent work hours, no drama/ no unhealthy levels of stress, a nice team of people I enjoy working with, ok money, and creative freedom. And then I smile and go about my day.
Our society prioritises career success over happiness, but it’s great seeing people like you Jo, people who’ve got to positions that so many aspire to, who have chosen happiness over prestige. Loved this, thanks for sharing xxx
I made the move to New York, also attracted by a bigger role above what I was really ready for. I hated it!
I was miserable all throughout the two years. Could never settle there. And it was my second expatriation (a French, I worked in London for 3 years before moving to the States) so it was not a question of not being able to be an expat. I loved England and was able to adjust after the usual six months of adapting to a new country.
In New York the values system was just too different from mine.
Not to say that it would have been the same for you but I thought it was interesting to share what happened to someone who got on the tube (re sliding doors) 😉
I remember this! Helen and I found the first page of your contract in the fax machine (fax! How very 2006 of us). We were very sad... and then VERY glad Nicholas changed your mind x
I had exactly the same experience, Jo! I was living in Sydney when I got the big New York call, went for the interview - and realised I really didn't want to change my perfect lifestyle for unrelenting stress, resentment and backstabbing. I don't regret it one iota and I think you totally made the right decision too.
You can tell you made the right decision because you do not regret it. Sure, everyone has moments of "what if". But the fact you are not bitter, wracked with regret is all the justification you need. As it says in Desderata, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should.
Pivotal moments like this have the power to alter the course of our lives. I was faced with a similar decision when I got into two business schools, one slightly better ranked than the other. I fretted over my options for days, yet ultimately chose to go to the lower ranked one, because they gave me a larger scholarship. After I had made my decision, I felt a lot of peace and recognized that I would have had a very separate experience had I made the other choice, but I didn't feel any regret over it. Thanks for sharing your story.
Jo - this is brilliant. Just what I needed to read tonight while I look back at some career decisions. I gave up a big shiny job about 11 years ago and have been thinking about the what ifs a lot recently.... But I don't regret the decision I made x
I loved this! My biggest “what if?” is similar, though not nearly so impressive or cool. My second son was a week old when my 4th book (Not Tonight Mr Right) was released. I got a call from the Today show in New York, inviting me to come on and talk about it. I was so sleep-deprived and hormonal that I told them I’d think about it… (!!!!) then fell asleep. When I rang them back the next day they told me, in no uncertain terms, to sod off. 🤦♀️
Jo I LOVED this! Thanks for being so honest. I read a similar story from Farrah Storr, who said said she also was offered NYC and turned it down. And I get it.
My boyfriend recently moved to Canada with me for MY job. Only for two years, but even so. He had 2 interviews for promotion at home shortly we before we left. He couldn’t take them, as he couldn’t do the role in Canada.
I am so so worried that he’ll end up resenting me for this. But I remind myself of how many times women gave up / shelved / stagnated in their careers for men. It’s very rare to hear it the other way around.
But does that help my guilt? No! One of my ex-boyfriend’s mums was a military wife and followed her spouse around the world. Then when he quit the forces, she had to get a job back here. It was really difficult for her and she never moved up a level, despite being in her 50s, she was always at the lowest grade. I definitely think she quietly resented him for it.
Thanks for sharing this - and it definitely sounds like you made the right move.
PS - no “shade” but I’ve never even heard of that editor that did take the job…? I couldn’t hack that lack of work/life balance! Shudder.
I love my job, it’s an incredibly important part of my life. And I always thought I was ambitious, but I reached a point where I had a good life that I enjoyed just as much as my work. When the offer that I’d always wanted finally came, I turned it down.
I talked to the person who’d been in the job for years, he was great at his job, but just so unhappy and stressed, and I realised that I just wouldn’t be as happy there. And there’s been times when I’ve thought ‘What if? Was that a mistake?’ but I have a short commute, decent work hours, no drama/ no unhealthy levels of stress, a nice team of people I enjoy working with, ok money, and creative freedom. And then I smile and go about my day.
Our society prioritises career success over happiness, but it’s great seeing people like you Jo, people who’ve got to positions that so many aspire to, who have chosen happiness over prestige. Loved this, thanks for sharing xxx
I made the move to New York, also attracted by a bigger role above what I was really ready for. I hated it!
I was miserable all throughout the two years. Could never settle there. And it was my second expatriation (a French, I worked in London for 3 years before moving to the States) so it was not a question of not being able to be an expat. I loved England and was able to adjust after the usual six months of adapting to a new country.
In New York the values system was just too different from mine.
Not to say that it would have been the same for you but I thought it was interesting to share what happened to someone who got on the tube (re sliding doors) 😉
I remember this! Helen and I found the first page of your contract in the fax machine (fax! How very 2006 of us). We were very sad... and then VERY glad Nicholas changed your mind x
I had exactly the same experience, Jo! I was living in Sydney when I got the big New York call, went for the interview - and realised I really didn't want to change my perfect lifestyle for unrelenting stress, resentment and backstabbing. I don't regret it one iota and I think you totally made the right decision too.
You can tell you made the right decision because you do not regret it. Sure, everyone has moments of "what if". But the fact you are not bitter, wracked with regret is all the justification you need. As it says in Desderata, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should.
Pivotal moments like this have the power to alter the course of our lives. I was faced with a similar decision when I got into two business schools, one slightly better ranked than the other. I fretted over my options for days, yet ultimately chose to go to the lower ranked one, because they gave me a larger scholarship. After I had made my decision, I felt a lot of peace and recognized that I would have had a very separate experience had I made the other choice, but I didn't feel any regret over it. Thanks for sharing your story.
Jo - this is brilliant. Just what I needed to read tonight while I look back at some career decisions. I gave up a big shiny job about 11 years ago and have been thinking about the what ifs a lot recently.... But I don't regret the decision I made x
I loved this! My biggest “what if?” is similar, though not nearly so impressive or cool. My second son was a week old when my 4th book (Not Tonight Mr Right) was released. I got a call from the Today show in New York, inviting me to come on and talk about it. I was so sleep-deprived and hormonal that I told them I’d think about it… (!!!!) then fell asleep. When I rang them back the next day they told me, in no uncertain terms, to sod off. 🤦♀️
LOVED this. The road not taken is always fascinating.
Loved reading this Jo, the expectation of what my next career move “should” be has always weighed down on me. It’s nice to know I’m not alone! x
Jo this is why I read this and have loved you since the early days of Glamour. Brilliant insight. Thank you.
Wondering is like regret..good point. And I definitely do not regret my kids
Jo I LOVED this! Thanks for being so honest. I read a similar story from Farrah Storr, who said said she also was offered NYC and turned it down. And I get it.
My boyfriend recently moved to Canada with me for MY job. Only for two years, but even so. He had 2 interviews for promotion at home shortly we before we left. He couldn’t take them, as he couldn’t do the role in Canada.
I am so so worried that he’ll end up resenting me for this. But I remind myself of how many times women gave up / shelved / stagnated in their careers for men. It’s very rare to hear it the other way around.
But does that help my guilt? No! One of my ex-boyfriend’s mums was a military wife and followed her spouse around the world. Then when he quit the forces, she had to get a job back here. It was really difficult for her and she never moved up a level, despite being in her 50s, she was always at the lowest grade. I definitely think she quietly resented him for it.
Thanks for sharing this - and it definitely sounds like you made the right move.
PS - no “shade” but I’ve never even heard of that editor that did take the job…? I couldn’t hack that lack of work/life balance! Shudder.