I’ve had a revelation that has completely changed my outlook on my working life.
It’s this: I’ve started having the courage to ask for what I want.
Six months ago, I was still the type of woman who would silently hope that others would offer me fun plot twists in my career. I thought that working hard and doing the best job I could in my current role would be enough to be noticed and offered other opportunities.
But since I decided that it was the right time to leave my job as a magazine editor, I had to have a long hard word with myself. The only person who was going to able to make the changes I wanted to see, was me.
The big surprise for me? Often if you tell people what you want, and you ask people for their help in achieving that, good things will happen.
As I’ve touched on in previous posts, I used to think that talking about what I’d like from my career was a dangerous, or embarrassing thing. I was either scared of my employers finding out I was looking to move on and being annoyed enough about it to fire me. Or I was scared that if I admitted I wasn’t fulfilled in my job in any way that it was a sign that perhaps I wasn’t successful at it, so unemployable.
But something’s snapped in me recently and I’ve decided that sure, some of my aspirations might never come off. But they definitely won’t if I don’t at least start piping up about what I want.
I spoke to a friend of mine this morning who happens to be a famous actress. She’s a guest on a new podcast I’m launching - and I’m very excited about it and I can’t wait to tell you more! In our chat, she made the very good point that women are excellent at being the first to cancel themselves out of opportunities. We’re really good at being the first ones to tell ourselves we can’t do this or that, or that we’re not worthy of that dream we’re harbouring. And so we never even find out what could have been possible.
This is exactly the mindset I’ve been carrying around that I needed to kick right out of my brain.
So here’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve putting all modesty and self-consciousness aside and reaching out to people and telling them about some of the hopes I have for this year. Even though at times it’s been making me cringe so much I could turn inside out.
Back in November, I confided in several people that I was probably going to quit my job in the new year. Being brave enough to trust people with that information led to me being put forward for the role I start just after Easter, as the CEO for Children with Cancer UK. It’s not a move I would have foreseen for myself this time last year. But voicing my interest in trying life beyond media has led to this incredible opportunity.
I have asked many well known people to guest on the new podcast I’m making. Some have said no, some haven’t responded to my emails, and then many others have said yes.
I also told several people I was looking for a sponsor for my new podcast. My default setting is to find this sort of request very brazen. Point blank asking for money? Who does she think she is? But I really believe in the idea I’ve had, so I swallowed hard on my queasiness, set out a proposal and, to my utter amazement, someone knew someone who was interested. And I now have a sponsor for my new podcast.
I DM’d a well known television presenter - cold call style - to offer my services for a project she’s working on. To my utter amazement, she met with me to discuss it. I don’t know if anything will actually come of that conversation, but it’s not really the point. I was extremely proud of myself for not listening to that voice telling me this was an embarrassing move and decided I had nothing to lose. And now, because I put myself out there, she may well think of me when she’s ready to generate some new ideas for her project.
These three events have had different levels of success. But in their own way, each of them has helped to really change my attitude in the last few months. From now on, I’m not going to be the one talking myself out of opportunities. Not everything will go my way. Of course it won’t. But at least the reason won’t be that I didn’t even give it a go.
My friend, the designer Kelly Hoppen is a big believer in the message in the book The Secret. If I’m ever feeling down or just a bit directionless, she’s one of my chief go-to girls for a pep talk. She is bloody brilliant at reminding me that positive energy breeds positive energy (and that equally negative energy attracts negativity). I’m increasingly convinced that it’s true. I’ve spent an enormous chunk of my life believing that it was more protective to be a pessimist: you can’t be disappointed if you’re never expecting much etc But lately I’ve been daring to believe that it’s better to expect good things to happen. I think Kelly’s been integral to this change in me. Approaching everything with a heartfelt belief that it’s at least possible has given me a positive outlook that I’m finding makes others have confidence in me.
This isn't some weird, airy fairy voodoo. It’s simply focusing on what you want - on deciding what you want. Once you have that clarity, it becomes easier to understand where you should be putting your energy, so you can ultimately get it. Often, the first step is as simple as voicing what you want. That in itself can be a huge, vulnerable move. I know. And it can be the start of something great.
A friend of mine confided in me the other day that after years of being single, she’s really going to make a project of finding a relationship. The principles to apply in her case are the same. She’s decided she’s going to meet someone wonderful. That’s the first, necessary step. Not sitting around hoping it will happen, but rather thinking, ‘OK how do I make this happen?’ And she will, because she’s finally decided that this is the area worthy of her time and energy.
I know some of you will be thinking that it’s easy for someone like me, with a long career in magazines, who’s made great contacts along the way. But I wasn’t thinking like that until recently and so I wasn’t reaching out to people for help. At all.
So it doesn’t matter what you have if you’re not thinking about it with the right, pro-active frame of mind. What I’m realising this year, at 52 years old, is it’s never too late to change the way you think. You just have to be brave. And even if you’re just starting out in your career, it will make all the difference if you figure out what it is you want. Because it’s then that you start to figure out exactly who to talk to, who to ask, and what to do to make it happen. It might not work overnight. It might take a few setbacks and some rejections. But it won’t hold you back as much as the utter crap we all tell ourselves before we even try.
If this is not news to you, then I’m genuinely delighted for you. But it’s been a serious lightbulb experience for me in the last few months. So I wanted to put it in writing because it’s really changed me. Don’t be shy about telling people what you want. Don’t be shy about seeking out the people who might know a thing or two about how to get you there. And do remember to think karmically about it and do what you can to help others along in their journey too.
This is such an empowering article. I’ve been feeling in a bit of funk and this has helped. I truly believe in everything you said and needed reminding of it. Thank you 🙏🏾
Love this , I have a friend called Linda who is my Kelly. The law of attraction , what you put out comes back . Can’t wait for the pod cast !