Having grown up all over the world with diplomat parents I was always having to get to know new people. I'm a weirdo in that I love turning up to events where I don't know anyone, as my son's says it's a chance to reinvent yourself....often to comedic ends...but we all love the hilarious stories. My father was instrumental in my lack of fear of going anywhere alone. As a young adult he made me go to cinemas and restaurants on my own which really dispelled my fear and encouraged independence. After all if men can eat alone why shouldn't we be able to. It's often a matter of maintaining a resting bitch face so no one bothers you!!
Love this! I’m often uneasy about spending time with myself and self conscious in lots of scenarios. I can go to the cinema on my own no probs, and I’ve walked into parties on my own and managed fine - but somehow have a profound fear of eating alone in a restaurant?? I find it helps to put on a journalist’s head and regard the world with curiosity, but my inner confident loner is very much a work in progress! But well done for raising a daughter who can go to gigs on her own at 18 - that’s amazing work x
Golden retriever energy! Love it. Will make use of that as I approach my small group of strangers (also known as a class) and tell them all about writing a memoir.
I love eating-out alone and going to the cinema alone - if I have company, I'm partly preoccupied with concern over whether they are enjoying themselves. Plus when I'm eating particularly good food, I want to concentrate on the flavours and textures, not on a conversation!
When it comes to walking into parties and events on my own, however, this has always been a struggle as I have moderate prosopagnosia (aka facial blindness). I don't start to form a memory of someone's face until I've met them several times, irrespective of how long I've spent with them. I can spend an hour talking to someone, and not recognise them later that day, especially if they have changed their clothes.
After a few decades of assuming I was a nasty cold-hearted bitch who didn't care enough about people to form a memory of them, and being accused of snubbing and blanking, in my mid-30s I finally learnt it was an actual 'thing', a visual memory impairment. It helped me stop feeling so embarrassed about it. Our recognition of each other as humans is so deeply bonding and tribe-building, when we can't do that (and also can't identify someone who is a potential threat or asset to us), it's a social disability.
By then I had learnt loads of coping strategies, including how to bluff conversations with people who clearly recognised me for long enough to give me a chance to work out who they were (sometimes getting it spectacularly wrong). These days I warn people upfront, "I won't recognise you next time I meet you, please don't take offence, just come up to me and tell me who you are."
Your experience of walking through the room at Hampton Court and not recognising anyone is my experience at pretty much every large event I go to, but, I AM at the right event.
I could fill a weekly substack newsletter for years with excruciatingly embarrassing stories...!
Having grown up all over the world with diplomat parents I was always having to get to know new people. I'm a weirdo in that I love turning up to events where I don't know anyone, as my son's says it's a chance to reinvent yourself....often to comedic ends...but we all love the hilarious stories. My father was instrumental in my lack of fear of going anywhere alone. As a young adult he made me go to cinemas and restaurants on my own which really dispelled my fear and encouraged independence. After all if men can eat alone why shouldn't we be able to. It's often a matter of maintaining a resting bitch face so no one bothers you!!
Your son is so poised and erudite, a credit to you my dear friend xx
Love this! I’m often uneasy about spending time with myself and self conscious in lots of scenarios. I can go to the cinema on my own no probs, and I’ve walked into parties on my own and managed fine - but somehow have a profound fear of eating alone in a restaurant?? I find it helps to put on a journalist’s head and regard the world with curiosity, but my inner confident loner is very much a work in progress! But well done for raising a daughter who can go to gigs on her own at 18 - that’s amazing work x
I cannot imagine you as any sort of wallflower, your writing is so confident and hilarious! Xx
haha it's all LIES xx
Golden retriever energy! Love it. Will make use of that as I approach my small group of strangers (also known as a class) and tell them all about writing a memoir.
Great story and advice Jo . I also would love to know what the palace party was !! Hello from Oz
I love eating-out alone and going to the cinema alone - if I have company, I'm partly preoccupied with concern over whether they are enjoying themselves. Plus when I'm eating particularly good food, I want to concentrate on the flavours and textures, not on a conversation!
When it comes to walking into parties and events on my own, however, this has always been a struggle as I have moderate prosopagnosia (aka facial blindness). I don't start to form a memory of someone's face until I've met them several times, irrespective of how long I've spent with them. I can spend an hour talking to someone, and not recognise them later that day, especially if they have changed their clothes.
After a few decades of assuming I was a nasty cold-hearted bitch who didn't care enough about people to form a memory of them, and being accused of snubbing and blanking, in my mid-30s I finally learnt it was an actual 'thing', a visual memory impairment. It helped me stop feeling so embarrassed about it. Our recognition of each other as humans is so deeply bonding and tribe-building, when we can't do that (and also can't identify someone who is a potential threat or asset to us), it's a social disability.
By then I had learnt loads of coping strategies, including how to bluff conversations with people who clearly recognised me for long enough to give me a chance to work out who they were (sometimes getting it spectacularly wrong). These days I warn people upfront, "I won't recognise you next time I meet you, please don't take offence, just come up to me and tell me who you are."
Your experience of walking through the room at Hampton Court and not recognising anyone is my experience at pretty much every large event I go to, but, I AM at the right event.
I could fill a weekly substack newsletter for years with excruciatingly embarrassing stories...!