It started as a joke and because I quite like alliteration. But in 2015, my husband Ross made another crack about something I was wearing (probably a jumpsuit, back when they were still regarded as bit ‘out there’) and I posted what he said and started the hashtag #clothesmyhusbandhates
I was such an infrequent Instagram user back then that I think it was first time I’d even added a hashtag. It got more interaction from people laughing and sharing the stories of the ways their other halves take the piss that I started to do it a bit more.
I’d been adding the tag to some posts for a couple of weeks and thinking to myself, ‘This could be a funny regular series’. Once an editor and all that. So I thought I’d better double check that I wasn’t accidentally ripping off an idea that had been out there forever. When I searched the hashtag, the only thing I could find was one other post using it from about two years prior to mine and from a really tiny account. So while I wasn’t the first one on earth to think of putting those four words together, I can claim credit for making it A Thing on the platform. A Thing that has become a bit of a mini movement on Instagram. It does warm my heart that it’s been embraced by so many women.
And who do we have to thank for the inspiration? My beloved, for nearly 30 years now. I thought it would be fun to ask him some of the questions that many often ask me, or want to ask him.
But first, a few notes:
Ross hates any kind of spotlight. He doesn’t have any social media accounts. He’s the kind of man who squirms if the office finds out it’s his birthday (because I told someone there) because then everyone will look at him and they might even - shudder - sing at him. He wouldn’t even let me put a picture of him on this post. Eye roll.
Ross is easily the nicest man I have ever met. Friendly, funny, caring, interested in everyone else, never ever struggles to have a lovely conversation with whoever you plonk him next to at a party. I can honestly tell that sometimes people give me a free pass because they’re thinking, ‘Well, if HE likes her, maybe I’m wrong about her.’ Because everybody likes Ross and he really likes everyone back.
So anything he ever says to me about my clothes really is just good-natured teasing. We have that sort of dynamic (and now our daughter matches us point for point too.) What can I say, it passes the time, OK?
Here’s what he said about that hashtag which has given him a sort of ghostly fame.
Me: Can I interview for you for my Substack page about clothesmyhusbandhates?
Ross: No!
Me: You’re doing it.
Ross: Oh god.
Me: First question: What do you hate most, my clothes or the hashtag?
Ross: How am I supposed to answer that?
Me: Honestly.
Ross: You’re acting like I think about this a lot. Um… I probably hate the hashtag more.
Me: Why?
Ross: Because I worry that people might think I’m some massive misogynist and that every day I wake up and just lay into whatever you’re wearing. And they might think, ‘Who does he think he is to pass comment?’
Me: But you don’t do that every day. That’s why I don’t post about it every day.
Ross: I know you don’t but…
Me: I just think it’s funny, don’t you? People don’t like the hashtag because of what I wear, they like it because of what you say.
Ross: But sometimes I haven’t even seen you when you’re stepping out. I leave earlier than you a lot.
Me: But I bank the comments then. I remember something you said about the outfit and think I’ll tell everyone he said that, the next time I wear it.
Ross: And sometimes it’s not always exactly what I’ve said. And I think I’m slightly funnier in real life.
Jo: I’m not putting that in.
Ross: (laughs) Also, anyone who’s seen it, if they meet me, I can see them sometimes looking me up and down and thinking, ‘Well, he doesn’t dress that great.’
Me: I don’t think anyone would think that. You’re not into fashion but you always look nice. I think people would be more surprised if you were obsessed with clothes. But how would you describe your style?
Ross: I don’t have one.
Me: (laughs) You do.
Ross: I don’t. I’m just a middle-aged, daggy man.
Me: No you’re not. But I like that you don’t care about fashion.
Ross: Well, middle-aged men don’t care about fashion.
Me: Have I ever put anything on and you’ve thought, ‘I really fucking wish she wouldn’t wear that to go out with me.’
Ross: Um… yeah.
Me: (laughs) Like what?
Ross: You used to have some tartan flares, I haven’t seen them in a while. They were basically Rupert the Bear trousers.
Me: I don’t think I remember those. Which is annoying because they sound fabulous.
Ross: And the odd Hawaiian shirt.
Me: Oh I do love Hawaiian shirts.
Ross: I know.
Me: Why do you hate them?
Ross: Because they’re basically what Florida pensioners wear, and I know that’s what you aspire to.
Me: It really is.
Ross: (laughing) But that’s not a great look.
Me: When we got together - in late 1993 - I wasn’t what anyone would call stylish.
Ross: No.
Me: Was that the appeal?
Ross: I thought you looked perfectly nice, I didn’t think about what you were wearing.
Me: You used to call me Lloyd Christmas. (Jim Carrey’s character in the film, Dumb and Dumber)
Ross: Your hair did look a bit like that but not really. It was just fun to wind you up with it. It was quite bowly though. But no, you weren’t hugely into fashion but you didn’t go out of your way to wear garish clothes.
Me: I don’t think I wear ‘garish’ clothes…
Ross: You do.
Me: Like what?
Ross: There’s a shirt up there right now (in the spare room which is full of my clothes) which looks like something Mr Tumble would wear. It’s got all these colours on it.
Me: That doesn’t narrow it down.
Ross: Yes, but there’s one that has got lots and lots of colours going on on it.
Me: Which one?
Ross: See you can’t even remember, you’ve got so much stuff. I’ll go and get it. I like how you’ve forgotten that you even own it.
Me: Oh I love that shirt! The team at You magazine gave it to me when I left. What’s wrong with it?
Ross: Well… look at it!
(We both laugh.)
Me: It’s just a nice colourful summery shirt!
Ross: (holding it up to himself): Come on, this doesn’t look good.
Me: Well not on you.
Ross: (laughs) What makes you think it will look good on you?!
Me: OK so what do you like that I wear?
Ross: You’ve got some really nice dresses.
Me: But I also have dresses you don’t like.
Ross: Well the stuff that sticks in the mind that I don’t like are things like the bell-bottoms and garish shirts.
Me: Oh yeah, you don’t like a ‘big ol’ bell bottom’, do you? How come?
Ross: No. It’s just not very flattering.
Me: (laughs) I just don’t think that’s true. Don’t you think of Charlie’s Angels? You know, a jean that’s tight up top and flares out making legs look longer?
Ross: Uh…. no. They’re massive some of your flares, with those sort of raggedy edges that you like.
Me: So, do you think I should care what you think about what I wear?
Ross: No! Generally, no. Sometimes I do think you lean into it a bit and sometimes just wear something to piss me off. Or to just get a reaction.
Me: I think I do sometimes yes, because you’re amusing.
Ross: And, you know, it would be nice if it went the other way, sometimes.
Me: I do wear nice dresses sometimes!
Ross: Yes, I know. But there are literally things I’ve seen you in and said, ‘Oh that’s nice’ and then I’ve never seen you in it again.
Me: Like what?
Ross: I don’t know, you used to have this tartan dress I really liked you in.
After some to-ing and fro-ing, I figured out that he means this.
Me: Oh that had to go because it didn’t fit me anymore! I never think, ‘Ross likes that, I’m not wearing it again.’
Ross: I know. But there are also times when you go, ‘Does this look OK?’ and I say, ‘Yes’ and we’re about to go and then you go and get changed! And I think, Oh well that just tells you exactly what she thinks about my opinion.
Me: My favourite thing you ever said was, ‘Do you know why men hate culottes? Because men have eyes.’
Ross: Yep.
Me: I haven’t worn a culotte in a while.
Ross: Well, good. Maybe even you’ve seen the light. No one looks good in culottes, come on.
Me: No, I still like them. But I suppose you were vindicated about flares after that time I tripped over my own flared trouser leg, smashed my face and ended up in an ambulance.
Ross: Yeah. And they were massive, those flares.
Me: So what’s the absolute worst thing I own?
Ross: Well… that shirt’s up there..
Me: I’m really surprised that you hate that shirt that much. I wouldn’t be putting it on and thinking, ‘Ross is going to say something for the hashtag about this.’
Ross: I just see Mr Tumble. I don’t love the Andy Pandy dungarees either.
Me: Oh yeah, (my friend) Donna hates those too, she says they make me look like a toddler. Yeah, I love those.
Ross: I think those furry shoes are ridiculous.
Me: They’re Gucci! Actually I haven’t worn them in ages, I should sell them. Occasionally people say to me that they think it’s really bad that I would be at all concerned with what you think of what I wear. But it’s just all a big joke to me, really. But do you think it’s bad that I’m not overly bothered about what you think about what I wear?
Ross: No! Like I say though, it would be nice if sometimes you did care. Maybe, I don’t know, twice a year?
Me: For you dearest, I will try….. Also I think, in hindsight, you were right about this one:
For what it's worth, I really like the pattern going down the front of 'the monk dress' :)
Well that was a good Monday morning distraction when I should be getting on - thank you : ) Love it and love the honesty from Ross. It's more the other way around in our house - you and my husband have a lot in common in the shoe and shirt department - I sometimes find myself paring back my look so we don't look like the couple who escaped the exploded paint factory and I'm really annoyed with him for buying a leopard print coat as the 'double Bet Lynch' is not such a good look. Has anyone started the tag #ClothesMyWifeHates ?