I've made a shocking discovery about ageing
It feels brave to say, but I think I look better now than I did in my 30s. Here's why....
OK, so I want to show you something that made me howl laughing.
I was speaking to my lovely friend Charlotte Moore, who runs the health pages at The Telegraph, because she wanted to reprint the piece I wrote here about insomnia. She wanted some ‘collects’ of me: that’s newspaper shorthand for personal pictures from me. She needed examples of ‘Jo at her job’, preferably with some sort of glamorous context, like at the fashion shows or with a celeb. I explained that most of those pictures from things like the Glamour Awards weren’t taken by me and are usually owned by big agencies like Getty but there’s plenty of that online they can look at. Also, I mentioned I’ve done quite a few shoots with The Telegraph over the years so they probably have a few things on file.
About half an hour later, she texted me. ‘The picture desk has found this one. Can we use this?’
Here is the picture.
For a split second, I genuinely thought it wasn’t me. But then I remembered. And I could not stop laughing.
‘WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? 😂😳’ I typed back.
‘Can we use it?’
‘Must you??????’
I realised it was from 2001, and just a few weeks after Glamour launched. I was 31. I remember that I got that jacket in Topshop. I look like I’m not wearing any make-up, but there’s no way I’d have happily posed for a professional photo without wearing any, so clearly I was a lot more low maintenance back then.
That hair is so unrecognisable to me that I actually texted this pic to my hairdresser, George Northwood.
‘OMG!’ was the immediate response followed by, ‘Thank god you found us.’
Oh George, I couldn’t agree more. I think in those days I was trying for a shoulder-length sort of bob thing, but my hair is so flyaway and fine that it never held unless I blow dried every strand, meticulously, every morning. I was very skeptical about hair colouring back then, convinced it would be the start of a a lot of high maintenance commitment. And at the time I liked my natural colour, that very dark brown. These days I’ve been drenching my scalp in bleach highlights for so long that I have no idea what colour is under there.
Charlotte, I know you read my Substack (thank you!) so please forgive me for posting the pic here after I begged you not to use it. But I’ve done so because it threw up a lot of feelings for me about my changing relationship with my self-image.
It’s my 55th birthday this month - the 21st. (Don’t panic, there are still 15 shopping days to go at the time of writing, so you still have time to buy me a present. Why yes, I do really love Miu Miu, thank you! ) Disagree with me if you want, but I think I look so much bloody better now, than I did at 31. I would never have imagined back then that I would be saying such a thing more than 20 years later. We are so brainwashed to think that ageing is bad, that you will look way worse in your 50s than your 30s because only youthfulness is good.
Sure, I look back on some pictures and I can see, wow, I really am so visibly much more baby-faced than now. But I don’t equate that with looking ‘better’. And that really quite shocks me.
There are many of you reading this who will remember how clear the message was about ageing being the peril to avoid at all costs. Makeover shows like Ten Years Younger dominated the 90s landscape. We were basically trained to agree that ageing was less of a natural process, more of a character flaw. Women were hauled into the street on that show to have their age guessed by strangers, on camera. Looking your age was the dreadful tragedy that host Nicky Hambleton-Jones was determined to ‘fix’. Her team of experts decided what dental, surgical and weight loss work was ‘needed’ to hide the shocking secret that a woman of say, 42 years old, looked 42 and not 19.
Not a great deal has changed since then, of course. Women are still praised for not looking their age. I think I do look my age, and I’m astonished by to find that I’m pretty happy with that. This, in itself, doesn’t feel like a very comfortable thing to say out loud, does it? Someone on Instagram was recently most upset with me for ‘boasting’ when I posted a picture from the theatre, so I can imagine her apoplexy if she happens to read that I’m pleased with the nick I’m in. But dammit I’m going to own it and you know why? A few reasons. Firstly, how do we change the all-consuming narrative about older women being ‘over’ if we don’t put our hands up with the positive, more confident messages? And secondly, I have put the work in dammit. I have, by and large, looked after myself - inside and out. No, I’ll never look 31 again and my answer to that is: see above, thank fuck for that..
So today I thought I would list some of the things I think have contributed to this place I find myself in, feeling at peace with how I look as a woman in her mid-50s.
I have always been diligent with skincare
It doesn’t matter how late the hour, or how many glasses of Sauvignon Blanc have been downed; I cannot, will not, ever go to bed without properly cleansing my skin. I’ve had access to great products thanks to my magazine career, it’s true, but I honestly think that what’s been more important than the product I use is the consistency with which I look after my skin. These are some of my current loves. I’ve taken this snap from my own bathroom so you can see how well used these are.
Just a word on that Trinny London eye cream: the other day at ITV, the make-up artist Pauline Briscoe asked me what I was using because the skin around my eyes was so soft to the touch.
I’ve had more compliments than usual about my skin lately and I put it down to a combination of these products doing something, me using them twice a day, but also my nutrition overhaul. More on that further down. I’m also fanatical about double-cleansing, especially in the evenings - the first cleanse to get rid of make-up, surface pollutants, and a second to really get in there. I swear by sunscreen on my face all year round. Although I wish I’d been as diligent about that as an Aussie teenager. Who knows how much better my pale skin could look now if I hadn’t abused it so much in the 80s trying to get the Aussie bronzed look that I never, ever would
My diet is better than ever
Younger me was very, very neglectful on this score because I was one of those people who could treat my body like a bin and never put on weight. For some reason that was the only measure of wellbeing that we cared about which is just insane. And guess what, I spent a lot of my 20s and 30s always being ill. Always the first one to drop with the flu, always the one with bad headaches, IBS, the first one to catch the Noro. My boss at New Woman magazine nicknamed me Jo Not Very Wellvin.
I was completely clueless that my careless diet might be the problem. It was a genuine revelation to me that broadening my diet beyond sausage sandwiches for breakfast and Tesco meal deals for lunch really did make me feel so much better. Cut to last year when I thought there was nothing new to teach old lady me, when the Mayr Life Clinic in Austria schooled me all over again. They have completely changed my life. I don’t deprive myself of anything, I am exactly the weight I am supposed to be, I have more energy than I’ve had in years and again, people keep complimenting my skin which has to be related to my huge reduction in sugar and gluten. You can read what I learned here.
I exercise.
If you're a long time subscriber (thank you so much!) you know I’m a bit of a bore on this subject. For me, it is up there with afternoon naps and dogs as the ultimate tonic for my mental health. That’s the main reason I do it, I love the endorphin high I get and the afterglow of resilience that comes with it. But there’s no doubt it is also a great thing for helping you look the best you possibly can too, and I don’t see why we need to feel shame in enjoying that benefit. People often ask me for motivational tips. If you really find exercise a vile sufferance, my advice is to break it down. Not so long ago I came down with an annoying cold and wasn’t feeling that great but still wanted to manage to do something. I found three different ten minute exercise classes online - something Pilates, something weight based, something for stretching. Ten minute blocks felt doable under the circumstances and so then I wasn’t feeling frustrated that I couldn’t do anything. There is so much free content online, you will find the things you can face. And I find that the more you do, the more motivated you are to do more.
I found the right haircut
Praise be to George Northwood and James Benoit who take turns cutting my flyaway mop. They’ve given me a chop that is kind of part of my DNA now and I think it’s a younger-looking style than the one you see in that 24-year-old photo. Also I discovered highlights and I realised I was mistaken about blonde not suiting me. I honestly thought when I was younger that being pale meant I shouldn’t be blonde.
I wear whatever the hell I like
My style got more comfortable when I finally, after years and years, learned to stop putting it through the filter of what everyone else might think. Call it a hangover from high school where I was ridiculed a lot for my lack of fashion sense. But I would try things on in a shop and genuinely have no clue if I liked them or not. I didn’t trust my own judgement and had no style identity or confidence. I was around 33 before I discovered how to enjoy getting dressed. And what’s more, I make a point of being a visible middle-aged woman in an aesthetic that moves ever closer to full-on ‘circus clown’. So many women I meet really believe that fashion is the preserve of the young and that they’re ‘too old’ to dress from contemporary shops like Zara or Cos. My attitude is rather that I am too old to not stay aware of what’s happening in fashion, and to pepper little touches of it into the outfits/cuts that I already know suit me.
I used to be angrier
Maybe this is just something that calms down with age, or when you’re not striving for career highs in quite the same aggressive way. In my case I honestly think it’s that my hormones have really levelled out. I have no advice on this, it’s just an observation that my age has quelled my rage. I used to have fights with strangers on the tube, but now I cannot find it in me to rise to it when someone shoves me or coughs in my face, or when another driver cuts me up in traffic. And I think it’s possibly the route to a less lined and tensed-up face in the long run.
I don’t take my phone to bed
I think this is one of the most important things anyone can do for not only sleep quality but mental health. Really make the bedroom a sacred space. Get that over-stimulating blue light out of your face and rest your skin and your brain, let your eyes de-squint and relax. It will make you so much better at coping with whatever you wake up to in your emails if you’ve actually had proper sleep.
I practise mindfulness
This is another thing I’d have rolled my eyes at as a younger woman but it’s the most transformative self-help tool I can think of. Definitely the cheapest too. Find what works for you. It’s not about clearing, or ‘blanking’ your mind in any way - that’s what I used to think and I’d get really frustrated that I couldn’t do it and just give up. Rather it’s simply about spending time being very aware of being in the present. Younger me was such an anxiety-fuelled panicker. A therapist taught me how to ground myself in ‘now’. Everything is fine right ‘now’. Practising this kind of awareness - I like Headspace and Digipill - calms me so much and I’m convinced that it always shines through in the skin and face.
I’ve simply made peace with my face
This is probably the only really important difference between now and then. I’m just not as hard on myself as I was when I was younger. I’ve accepted my face and body in a way that I never, ever did when that photo was taken. God knows I am no supermodel. There’s an entire cast of characters in my life who’ve lined up to stress that, you can read about some of them here. But I wasted a lot of time in my younger years feeling very apologetic about the way I looked. It was something Alex Shulman once said that really helped shift my thinking: ‘This is what the editor of Vogue looks like.’ She’d had a lot of newspaper pieces written about how she ‘didn’t look like a Vogue editor’. I mean, what does that even mean? It’s so rude. She put them all in their place with that line and really helped me too. Younger me was always wondering how to change my face in ways that I just don’t feel I need to anymore. Maybe I don’t look that different at all now as opposed to then, but I’m simply more chilled about living in this skin.
I have friends who won’t discuss their age. I know of recruiting experts who will advise you not to disclose your age on a job application if you’re in your 40s and beyond. But I think it’s important, especially if you have any kind of public profile, to be, unapologetically, a visible middle-aged woman. I won’t be being ‘disappeared’ thank you very much. And I won’t moan about getting older. I actually think there’s something immoral in that. Working at Children With Cancer UK showed me a whole world behind some very dark doors, but you also only have to turn on the news to see how many people don’t get the privilege of getting to complain about wrinkles.
So I urge you to stand up with me and embrace the age we are now. The more belligerently visible we are, the less people can persist with the narrative that we are not worthy of being seen. My photo from 2001 is proof that things can only get better!
Bravo! your attitude is PERFECT! I just turned 80, had a major health scare in my 50s, almost died. Consequently, I damn happy to be here with a wonderful husband, 4 great "kids" (none below 50), living in a nice place....I could go on, but won't. AND 4 grandchildren........whew.
I am almost 49. My 'real' age is 28. I am probably not on top of skincare as most people in terms of products, but my face gets cleaned every night, I don't beyond a basic rinse in the morning and I am really working hard on not squeezing the blackheads *gulp*! Exercise and good eating have always been a part of my life since uni so I am grateful for the choices I have made there. I definitely care less about what people think. I'm thankful for my mum who is in her late seventies but hits the gym three days a week, gardens, volunteers, cooks and eats mostly at home (she and my stepdad do go out for dinner occasionally and when they travel) and meets up with friends for morning tea often. She has very few major health problems.
And I am grateful for my nana, grammy, and great grandma who may not have had the latest skin care products or clothing but were caring, kind, thoughtful, practical, and no nonsense (with a sense if humor) and lived through so many life changing global and personal events (in to different countries) and came out the other side with all of that in tact. My nana was 84 when she died, my grammy 98, and my great grandmother, 96 - hoping to reach their milestones while still learning along the way :)
40 is the old age of youth, 50 is the youth of old age (from my mum) Thanks for promoting this narrative Jo!