Please tell me it’s not just me who can think of things that happened 20 years ago and still nearly vomit with the shame and embarrassment of it? One of many such times for me was in a McDonald’s with my friend Shelly. We were inhaling Big Macs so weren’t looking for any attention and yet, suddenly, a guy in a seat next to us looked at me and kept saying, ‘Date…. Date….’ . And I was so confused (hungover) I eventually said, ‘Um… I… can’t…’ to which he then suddenly became articulate and said, ‘No, what is the date today?’
Shelly wet herself laughing for about two and a half hours, as well as actually phoned several people we knew just to tell them all about it. I can still feel my face going purple with embarrassment as I type this now. That was 1993.
But what really makes me want to die inside any time I think of it? What I was like to work with in my 20s. Honestly, if you worked with me in that decade - my first out there in the big wide world and most of it in my new home, London - then are you to be commended for not murdering me, or at least punching me in my little whiny face.
A quick rundown of me, circa 1989 until probably about 2001.
I would take my mood to work with me, appropriate or not. I was in the throes of an unrequited love, aged 21, and if something upsetting about it had happened to me that day, I never once hesitated to wear my emotions on my sleeve and assume everyone around me was interested.
I remember one day, telling the editor of the magazine I worked on - when I was the junior (very junior) writer - ‘Yeah, alright hang on!’ when she asked me for the one early copy of the magazine that had come into the office. It was only when someone, laughing but still making the point, said, ‘Bloody hell, Elvis (the nickname back then), she’s the editor, have some respect.’ Good point, well made.
I was a journalist whose fact-checking skills had some room for improvement. Let’s be polite and say that. In my defence, they piled me with an absolute ton of work, every day, and my eagerness to please meant I never ever said when I was overwhelmed by my to-do list. So I used to exasperate our chief sub, Robert. I got a fact wrong about a famous Aussie pop star, that was not detected before the magazine went to press, that my editor deemed so serious that it cost thousands to stop the presses and get it sorted.
Despite facts like the above, I was a really smug little shit, to be frank. Again, in my defence, I simply could not believe that at 20 years old I’d scored myself a big job on a national magazine. So I was proud of that, but it definitely spilled into youthful, airheaded arrogance. My first clue that I needed to dial down being so impressed with myself was when I phoned a business (I can’t remember who or what for, something to do with a story) and when I introduced myself, the guy on the call deadpanned, ‘Congratulations.’ Looking back, I think I’d been telling people I was ‘a writer at Dolly magazine’ as if I was actually saying I was the US President. Being kind, maybe that was sweet but also unbearable.
I think I could be unwittingly rude, because I was just not a particularly fully-developed adult. I met a soap actress who smiled and said, ‘Ah! Dolly magazine! I was the model on the cover of their second birthday issue!’ Doing a quick bit of maths, I immediately replied, unfiltered: ‘Oh wow I was still in nappies then.’ I can still see her scowling face.
Throughout my 20s, I would readily take time off work if I felt even slightly unwell. A sneeze? A sniffle? Just feeling a bit off after a bad night’s sleep? I’d convince myself I couldn’t possibly cope.
In short, I could be quite the little idiot who had a lot of maturing to do. And I have a cast of hundreds of older, wiser, more patient souls to thank, who somehow found the strength to forgive my constant dickheadery in this phase. I owe them a lot. Some of them are still my friends, which is probably the closest thing to a miracle that I’ll ever know.
I would have no career today without the saintly, patient elders who forgave me my many mistakes. I try to remember that on days like the one years ago, when a young staff member was a total AWOL no-show for work because she’d split from her boyfriend.
Yep, that is definitely one of Generation X’s favourite sports - slagging off our younger office mates, the millennials and Gen Z-ers. I don’t like the lazy generalisations that get thrown at them - that they don’t want to work for anything, that they arrive fresh from university on their first day, expecting to be told they’re so brilliant they’ll be the CEO by lunchtime, that they can’t handle criticism.
There is some truth in it. (Sorry millennials. Don’t prove everyone right by being over-sensitive on this point.) You do meet the odd one who is genuinely shocked and appalled that their birthday isn’t an automatic three-day paid holiday.
But isn’t being a bit arrogant or awkward just part of being young? It’s not about millennials being ‘snowflakes’. I was a Gen X snowflake in my own ways for sure. It’s just what it’s like when you’re new to the work world and learning how to rub along with the older people who’ve already had their time of working through, and sorting out, their own dickheadery.
So I’m writing this for two main reasons.
One: Let’s not stereotype the young ‘uns. I’ve worked with a lot of people much younger than me now, and done a lot of career talks in high schools and universities. What I mostly find is ambition and an anxious impatience to want to succeed. If there’s one thing I’d generalise about, it’s that I find myself really trying to calm down the younger generations when I talk to them. They seem to have this idea that they need to have everything figured out right now. I don’t know, what is it - is it bloody Instagram again? You see the girl bosses and influencers and think you’ve failed if you’re not a career star by the time you’re 22? Relax. I mean, also do work diligently. I really believe that if you do the very best job you can, today, even if it’s in a job you hate and feel is beneath you, it will still give you experiences that you can use to nurture your development and move on to something you do like. I find myself talking to younger souls about this a lot.
Two: Even people who many of you might presume have always had their shit together - like me - took a while to get there. I’m sure there’s someone out there right now who, as recently as last week, thought I was a knob about something at work. But I like to think that mostly I have a few things sorted out and am a much easier person to work with than my younger self. I’ve calmed down. I have now had a lot of experience. I have had the privilege of learning from those senior to me, of having people invest money in training me and, frankly, just getting older and wiser. When I think now about what the insides of my own 20-something head was like, I realise I just wasn’t anywhere near a fully developed person yet. Sure, you’re voting, you’re drinking and you’ve moved out of your parents’ home. But I know now that I had a good decade - at least - to go before I was a fully-rounded, fully-functioning, much less annoying adult.
It can’t be just me, can it? Tell me you look back at your younger self and remember a time when those around you would have been justified in giving you a slap?
It’s true. I needed to have everything figured out in my 20’s even as a Gen Xer. It’s not just social media but media in general. We’ve been bombarded with idyllic scenes since silent movies. It’s no wonder we’re in a constant state comparing ourselves. Patience and kind mentors is key. I thank my mentors from the past for their patience and generosity every day.
Great read, but I don’t think I agree with the assertions at the end. It’s easy to discount our younger selves and our views on life and the world back then. But I also remember being younger and being thoughtful and carefully considered in many ways and still being discounted by some older people at the time. There is wisdom in being young too, and we lose access to that perspective as we get older. Generally, I think we need to listen to younger people more than we collectively do and even learn from them more