To be honest, I have felt so judged all my life by my own mother that I have become immune. The things I’ve heard from her are outrageous, and so anyone else saying anything about my life really doesn’t make a dent - unless you’re paying my bills or married to me, you have nothing to say that I will care much about. Silver linings, I guess!
Jo - Once again a brilliant thought provoking read. You have unlocked a little judgemental box in my head that I try to keep closed - I’m sure a therapist would have a field day if I ever went down that route - which I won’t. So many things as you and your wonderful followers have mentioned resonate with me. I’m an over thinker my husband is more black and white ‘don’t worry about it’ oh to be a little more like that! Even tiny things - I leave to visit my daughter in the US today for a few days - a friend asked me why I don’t retire and have more time to see both my daughters and grandsons -I felt judged for still working! Anyway enough - I could keep going 😊 - on a lighter note ‘Am I being unreasonable’ with Daisy May Cooper - 2 series is a wonderful watch. Thank you Jo x
Love this. And what an interesting art project - I too would be very interested to see the end results. Stair runner....made me smile. Ours is shameful. Let me guess - Roger Oates - installed many years ago? Replacing ours is currently about number 87 on my list of things 'to do'. Being judged...would struggle to know where to begin - it happens to us all in such a myriad of ways both big and almost imperceptible.
I feel silently judged by some female friends and family but interestingly not men, for spending too much on clothes and cooking too complicated (and delicious) meals when they come over! I sometimes dial down and make more simple meals to not feel judged!
I think generally people want you to be like they are so they fit in and be comfortable around you!
Agree - excellent! I’d have needed a few postcards to give the shortlist of things I’ve felt judged about. Also true that some of these judgements might have lived mostly in my own head. 😉 I do find myself better able to turn down the real (& hypothetical) judgements as I get older. Not always, but more and more.
I would love to know more about the art exhibition as its certainly piqued my interest! Gosh, you unpacked the two questions rather well. They are very interesting ones. Would love to know what others wrote. Mmm, this will sit with me for a while, I suspect. Not at all surprised that you took a bit of time to answer them. Have certainly felt being judged. The biggest one being in deciding not to have children which then put me in their assumption that I was either terribly unhappy or that there was something wrong with me.
Love this. I hope/wish the person who left the postcard could read this Substack. I think it’s a woman. I don’t think men even think about being judged. I imagine the postcard writer was limited by the project to ask about only “one thing.” I hope you’ll share your completed postcard with us!
That question about feeling judged is such a good one, and it would have taken me at least 24 hours to complete the postcard, too! You’ve given such good examples, Jo.
Also: yay for season 3 of The White Lotus. Brilliant and gorgeous. Already hooked. The reappearance of a couple of the characters from previous series gives some continuity, too.
To be honest, I have felt so judged all my life by my own mother that I have become immune. The things I’ve heard from her are outrageous, and so anyone else saying anything about my life really doesn’t make a dent - unless you’re paying my bills or married to me, you have nothing to say that I will care much about. Silver linings, I guess!
Re: what one feels judged about - My favorite quote is from American First Lady, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.
Jo - Once again a brilliant thought provoking read. You have unlocked a little judgemental box in my head that I try to keep closed - I’m sure a therapist would have a field day if I ever went down that route - which I won’t. So many things as you and your wonderful followers have mentioned resonate with me. I’m an over thinker my husband is more black and white ‘don’t worry about it’ oh to be a little more like that! Even tiny things - I leave to visit my daughter in the US today for a few days - a friend asked me why I don’t retire and have more time to see both my daughters and grandsons -I felt judged for still working! Anyway enough - I could keep going 😊 - on a lighter note ‘Am I being unreasonable’ with Daisy May Cooper - 2 series is a wonderful watch. Thank you Jo x
Love this. And what an interesting art project - I too would be very interested to see the end results. Stair runner....made me smile. Ours is shameful. Let me guess - Roger Oates - installed many years ago? Replacing ours is currently about number 87 on my list of things 'to do'. Being judged...would struggle to know where to begin - it happens to us all in such a myriad of ways both big and almost imperceptible.
I feel silently judged by some female friends and family but interestingly not men, for spending too much on clothes and cooking too complicated (and delicious) meals when they come over! I sometimes dial down and make more simple meals to not feel judged!
I think generally people want you to be like they are so they fit in and be comfortable around you!
Just my take on it!
I think your last paragraph hits the nail on the head. I’ve have certainly felt that here and there. It’s always fascinated me.
Fab read 🩵
Agree - excellent! I’d have needed a few postcards to give the shortlist of things I’ve felt judged about. Also true that some of these judgements might have lived mostly in my own head. 😉 I do find myself better able to turn down the real (& hypothetical) judgements as I get older. Not always, but more and more.
I would love to know more about the art exhibition as its certainly piqued my interest! Gosh, you unpacked the two questions rather well. They are very interesting ones. Would love to know what others wrote. Mmm, this will sit with me for a while, I suspect. Not at all surprised that you took a bit of time to answer them. Have certainly felt being judged. The biggest one being in deciding not to have children which then put me in their assumption that I was either terribly unhappy or that there was something wrong with me.
Love this. I hope/wish the person who left the postcard could read this Substack. I think it’s a woman. I don’t think men even think about being judged. I imagine the postcard writer was limited by the project to ask about only “one thing.” I hope you’ll share your completed postcard with us!
Don’t confuse feeling judged with being judged. How judgmental are you? Hopefully not very. In which case probably your peer group aren’t either.
That question about feeling judged is such a good one, and it would have taken me at least 24 hours to complete the postcard, too! You’ve given such good examples, Jo.
Also: yay for season 3 of The White Lotus. Brilliant and gorgeous. Already hooked. The reappearance of a couple of the characters from previous series gives some continuity, too.